Life After Diagnosis: Supporting Your Autistic Daughter and Your Family
Navigating life after your daughter's autism diagnosis? This episode offers practical guidance on how to best support her journey while also caring for your own well-being. Learn how the diagnosis can impact therapy, school, and home life, and discover effective treatment approaches and strategies for supporting her unique needs. Find encouragement and a path forward as you navigate this new chapter.
If your daughter has recently been diagnosed with autism—or you’re just beginning to suspect it—you’re not alone. In this episode, hosts Tiffany Herlin, LCSW, and Allison Jenkins, LCSW, speak directly to parents about what happens next and how you can best support your daughter and yourself in the process.
What You’ll Learn in This Episode:
- What the Diagnosis Means: How an autism diagnosis changes therapy, school, and family life.
- What Helps in Treatment: Why structured, skill-based approaches like DBT can be a great fit.
- How to Support Her at Home: Tips for helping your daughter recover from masking and shutdowns.
- How Parents Can Grow Too: Why your mindset and self-care matter just as much as hers.
If your daughter was just diagnosed with autism—or you're starting to suspect it—this episode offers practical guidance for parents on what to do next, how to support her at home, and how to care for yourself along the way. Raising an autistic daughter can feel overwhelming, but you don’t have to figure it all out alone. This episode offers guidance, encouragement, and a path forward. Call us now at 855-701-2721 to explore how we can help.
Introduction to Life After Diagnosis
Tiffany: Welcome back, listeners. We’re on our third episode, and today we’re talking about moving forward with life after an autism diagnosis. I’m your host, Tiffany Silva Herlin, and I’m joined again by Allison Jenkins, a licensed clinical social worker and the clinical director at OASIS Ascent.
As always, please remember that this podcast is not a replacement for therapy. Be sure to seek support from a licensed mental health professional for your specific needs.
In today’s episode, we’ll explore how an autism diagnosis is just the beginning. We’ll talk about how it shapes therapy, school, and relationships—and why a strength-based approach is so important to success.
Let’s dive in.
Allison: Okay, great.
Tiffany: So, how does an autism diagnosis change the approach to therapy?
Allison: That’s a great question. There’s a common myth that DBT doesn’t work for kids on the spectrum.
Tiffany: Yeah—tell us more about that. I feel like DBT is often only associated with borderline personality disorder.
Allison: Right. But if you think about it—if the symptoms overlap, why wouldn’t DBT help?
Tiffany: Exactly. I’m with you. It makes sense, especially because kids on the spectrum are often black-and-white thinkers.
Allison: Yes.
Tiffany: They’re not naturally wired with a big coping skill toolbox.
Allison: They don’t have those tools, exactly.
Tiffany: Which is why teaching those skills directly could be such a perfect fit.
Allison: A lot of the time, they are very black and white in their thinking. And they love acronyms. I truly believe DBT can be a very effective treatment for girls on the spectrum.
Tiffany: I believe it, too.
Allison: And I’ve seen it work. At OASIS, we’ve designed a DBT diary card specifically for our autistic clients. It tracks things like perseveration on special interests—how much time they’re spending thinking about them during the day, as well as shutdowns. For example, after masking all day or going from one activity to the next, some of our girls go to their room and completely zone out for 30 minutes. That’s a shutdown, and we track that too.
Tiffany: That’s so helpful.
Allison: The goal is to help them understand which skills work. With DBT, it’s all about effectiveness—what works for that person. Once a skill clicks for them, their natural rigidity means they’ll use it consistently.
Tiffany: That’s one of the strengths of kids on the spectrum. When you give them something concrete and it finally clicks, they’re locked in. They’ll use that skill almost to a fault.
Allison: Exactly.
Tiffany: And they get so good at learning the “rules” once they understand them.
Allison: Yes. It becomes automatic. “When I feel this way, I’m going to do this skill.” It just becomes hardwired.
The Strength-Based Approach Explained
Allison: It’s like, “When I’m feeling heightened emotions, I’m going to do this,” and it becomes very concrete for them. That’s why I believe DBT helps kids on the spectrum—even though there’s still that myth out there. And of course, we’re always using a strength-based approach.
Tiffany: What does that mean?
Allison: A strength-based approach means we focus on what they’re doing well—their strengths—instead of just looking at what’s going wrong.
Tiffany: So, not just focusing on the negative behaviors or problems.
Allison: Exactly. And it's important because many of these kids experience RSD, or rejection sensitivity dysphoria.
Tiffany: Can you explain that for our listeners?
Allison: Sure. It means that when they're trying to fit in socially, and often struggling, especially from a young age, they get a lot of negative feedback. They’re told over and over, “Don’t do that,” or “You’re doing this wrong.” Over time, that repeated rejection builds up, and they become extremely sensitive to any perceived criticism or rejection. That’s what we call rejection sensitivity.
Tiffany: And that carries into adolescence?
Allison: Yes. So when they’re asked to do things like go to school or navigate social situations, and they’re not doing it “right,” they feel that rejection all over again. In treatment, one of the things I work on is helping our girls let their masks down and be more of their authentic selves, but we have to do that carefully.
Tiffany: You’re helping them be more vulnerable and real.
Allison: Exactly. But a lot of them are hesitant. In the past, when they’ve dropped the mask and tried to show up as themselves, they’ve been criticized—“Why aren’t you doing this?” or “That’s not normal”—so they put that mask right back on. And they keep it up because they don’t want to feel that pain again.
Tiffany: Yeah, that makes so much sense.
Allison: So, we walk a delicate line. We help them understand when they might need to mask, like in a job interview, and then how to care for themselves afterward. Like, “Okay, you masked for an hour, now how do you recover?” At the same time, we also work on how to let the mask down and be authentic in safe spaces.
And that’s where the strength-based approach comes in. It’s about helping them see what they are doing right, how to build up their self-esteem, and how to lean into their strengths, not just focus on their challenges.
The Importance of Positive Reinforcement
Tiffany: Which, I mean, research shows that when you focus on the positive instead of the negative, you get better behavior changes and greater overall change.
Allison: Yeah.
Tiffany: But it’s so normal for us to focus on the negative.
Allison: I know! I don’t even know why that is.
Tiffany: I think we’re just wired that way, right?
Allison: Yeah.
Tiffany: It probably goes way back. Like, from the caveman days, we had to constantly look for threats to survive. So now, even when there’s no actual danger, our brains are still wired to look for problems.
Allison: Totally. And for parents out there, just remember—progress can be slow. These kids often get stuck in their routines. They’re rigid, and transitions or any kind of change can be tough. That’s why it’s so important to focus on the positive, even if it feels small.
Like at OASIS, we might have a student who hasn’t washed her hair in a week, and she comes to me and says, “I want to wash my hair.” And I’ll say, “Great! Let’s start small—how about twice a week? Let’s try that for two weeks.” And that’s a win.
Tiffany: Absolutely.
Allison: You’re always looking for those small wins.
Tiffany: No matter how small they seem.
Allison: Exactly. And you reinforce them positively. That’s how you build traction. Maybe the student doesn’t go to school that day, but she gets out of bed, makes her bed, and logs into online school—that’s a win too.
Just keep in mind, it’s not always a straight line. It can be two steps forward, one step back. Or even one forward, one back. Then maybe three forward and one back. The key is to look at the overall direction and keep rewarding the positives.
And when there’s a setback, you can still positively reinforce progress: “Yes, that was a tough day, but we’re getting back on track. Let’s focus on our goals again.”
Tiffany: I think this kind of approach can be tough, especially for parents.
Shifting Parental Mindsets
Tiffany: Yes. Because the negative behaviors—the things they’re doing wrong—are so blatantly in a parent’s face. They’re constant. Parents are dealing with them all the time—the consequences, the frustration, all of it.
It’s hard to shift into this mindset of focusing on the positives. And I think some parents worry, like, “Are we just rewarding the negative behavior?”
Allison: Yeah, that’s a really good question. I think the key is to understand the function of the negative behavior. When you can identify why it's happening, you start to feel some empathy. You start to realize they’re probably not doing this just to be oppositional.
Take something like wearing the same clothes for three days in a row, or not washing their hair, or acting out at night. There’s a reason behind those behaviors. So if your child is on the spectrum and they come home from school and have a big emotional outburst, instead of going straight to criticism, try thinking, “Wow, you must’ve been masking all day.”
Say something like, “You’re coming home now, and you’re dysregulated because you finally feel safe enough to let your mask down. How can I support you right now?”
Instead of, “Oh great, here we go again. You’re back to your old behaviors,” just pause and ask, “What do you need right now?” It’s not a regression—it’s a release. It’s an opportunity to connect.
Tiffany: That takes an extra step for parents to be curious instead of reactive.
Allison: And non-judgmental.
Tiffany: Exactly. And honestly, I still mess this up in my parenting. There are times when my kids come home and they’re moody or short-tempered with me, and I react—“Hey, that’s not okay. Talk to me nicely.” Or, “Wow, you’re in a bad mood.”
But when I stop and take a breath and say, “Hey, are you okay? What’s going on?”—even if I just get a “I’m fine” and a door slammed in my face—if I stay curious and lead with love and empathy, eventually they do let their guard down.
That’s when I get the real emotion. One of them might break down and say, “I had a really hard day.” But if I hadn’t taken that step back and stayed curious, I wouldn’t have gotten that. We’d just be clashing for the rest of the night. No connection. No progress.
Allison: You’re right. One hundred percent.
The Challenge of Connection
Tiffany: Yeah. But it’s a hard step. So I just want to validate any parents listening—it takes a lot of effort.
Allison: And it’s not easy when you’ve had a crappy day, either.
Tiffany: Right.
Allison: To come home and then have to validate and listen to your daughter who’s struggling? That’s not easy. But I think it helps to remember—it’s always about connection.
Like, I had this sweet girl on the spectrum. Every morning, she would rush up to me and ask, “Do I have any packages?” And she got a lot of packages. But I’ll be honest—I started to feel kind of annoyed. Like, okay, here we go again. Every single day.
But when I paused and thought about why she was doing it, I realized—this was her way of connecting with me. This was how she checked, “Are you still here for me? Are you still consistent?”
So instead of being annoyed, I started inviting her to my office. I’d say, “Hey, do you want to come hang out while I do my notes?” And once I did that, the package-checking stopped being the focus. She just wanted a connection. That was her way of reaching out.
And honestly, that’s true for all of us—we’re all trying to connect in some way.
Tiffany: That’s such a good point. And I think we need to take a step back here, because it’s important for parents, especially those who have a daughter on the spectrum or maybe misdiagnosed, to look at themselves, too.
Are you connecting with yourself? Are you giving yourself empathy?
Because if your daughter is neurodivergent and going undiagnosed or misdiagnosed, you’re carrying a lot. It’s a heavy load.
Allison: It is.
Tiffany: So are you taking time to reflect when you’re feeling reactive? Are you asking, “What’s going on with me right now? What do I need?” Are you taking care of yourself? Using your own toolbox? Going to your own therapy?
Allison: Yes.
Tiffany: Because this is a lot. And it’s a journey for the whole family.
Allison: You’re exactly right. There’s no “identified patient” in the family. It’s not just about one person needing to be fixed. Everyone in the family system plays a role. And when one child is on the spectrum, everyone needs to be doing their work.
Tiffany: And everyone’s going to be affected by it.
Allison: Yes.
Family Dynamics and Roles
Tiffany: Because you're a whole system. Everyone has a role, and it's like a domino effect—everyone impacts each other.
Allison: And if you're negatively reacting to your daughter, and she reacts back negatively, that's something to pay attention to. Especially with things like rejection sensitivity—how do you reframe your interactions? That starts with doing your work. And how are you taking care of yourself, making sure you're getting the self-care you need so you actually can show up differently?
Tiffany: Right. And what I was trying to get at earlier is this: if you're being critical of your kids, take a moment and ask—what does your internal voice sound like? Because in my experience, when a parent is being harsh or overly critical of their child, it usually means they're being just as critical of themselves.
I've had to pause sessions and ask parents, "What's going on internally with you right now?" Because often, it’s the same narrative. And the truth is—you really can’t change the way you speak to your child until you change the way you speak to yourself.
Allison: I love that. That’s so true. And at OASIS, in our short-term residential program, we encourage parents to do their work, get their therapy, and find support. Because it’s a lot to manage. You need that outlet. You need someone to help you process and think through how to react differently, because clearly what’s happening now isn’t working.
And that’s one of the reasons kids come to OASIS—because the current pattern isn’t working. So we need to shift something—change the interaction, build new skills, and make sure parents are supported too. That’s how you stay regulated so you can support your child when they’re dysregulated.
Tiffany: Yeah.
Allison: And I’ve seen it with adults, too. I’ve listened to professors in their 50s who are on the spectrum talk about their emotional outbursts or shutdowns. Even at that age, they still get overwhelmed. That’s not something that just goes away.
They might get better at managing it—the bounce-back time might improve—but the struggle will always be there. And that’s the point. It’s not something to “fix.” It’s something to understand and work with over time.
Tiffany: Exactly. And I think that brings up another important point—if you suspect your daughter is on the spectrum, or has been misdiagnosed, or there’s even just a possibility, there’s a lot that comes with that realization.
From talking with other therapists who specialize in this, one thing I’ve learned is that when a family finally comes to terms with, “Oh, my child is autistic,” there’s often a ton of emotional unpacking that has to happen.
The Complexity of Late Diagnosis
Tiffany: We wish there were a manual for our neurotypical kids, let alone for kids on the spectrum. And like you said, if you’ve met one child on the spectrum, you’ve only met one.
Allison: You’ve met one.
Tiffany: Exactly. And I just want parents to hear this: you’re not alone. It’s incredibly overwhelming, and you can’t do it by yourself. It takes a team—whether that’s a therapist, a friend, or family members. You need support. Because that’s what the situation calls for.
Allison: Yes. It’s very complex.
Tiffany: That’s the word I was looking for—it’s complex. That’s what I’m trying to get at.
Allison: It’s complex. Especially when your child is diagnosed at 15 or 16.
Tiffany: Yeah. Especially when they’re late diagnosed.
Allison: And that’s part of the issue—boys are often diagnosed younger.
Tiffany: Yeah, you can diagnose boys pretty young.
Allison: Right.
Tiffany: Even as babies, there are some early signs and certain tests that can help. So if you're getting to the point where your daughter is 14, 15, or 16, you’re probably feeling so many things—grief, guilt, maybe even like you’ve failed. And all of that is valid.
But I want parents to hear this: you’re not alone.
Allison: Not alone.
Tiffany: And it’s more than any one person can handle alone. You probably did the best you could up to this point. And the good news is—there’s still hope moving forward.
Finding Hope in the Journey
Allison: There is hope. Yes. There’s always hope.
Tiffany: Yeah.
Allison: Always hope. And this is the interesting thing—I hope that as this message spreads and more providers get on board, it won’t be so common for girls to be misdiagnosed when they’re younger. We’ll be able to pick up on more clues. And I hope the research becomes more balanced.
Tiffany: With better research representation of females.
Allison: And better data.
Tiffany: Yeah.
Allison: That’s the thing—it’s still not at the forefront. Autism in girls is like the hidden spectrum.
Tiffany: It is.
Allison: And as more girls are diagnosed and the message gets out, there will be more support, too. It won’t be such a shock anymore. Some parents even feel relief with the diagnosis—it gives them somewhere to start, even if it’s scary.
Tiffany: Absolutely. There’s a great poem about this. It talks about how you plan to take a trip to Italy, but you end up in Holland. Now, Holland’s not a bad place—it’s just not Italy. And it’s about coming to terms with that shift. You expected your child to look or be one way, and now you’re realizing they’re different. You can’t change them. So, how do you find the beauty while you’re in Holland? That’s where true growth and healing happen.
Allison: Yeah. And I’m telling you, with kids on the spectrum, the first thing as a clinician is—they have to know you like them.
Tiffany: Yeah.
Allison: They’ll pick up on it.
Tiffany: Yeah.
Allison: They read faces. So always remember that. When you greet them, be excited. I get excited to see the girls, and they feel that. Then they open up. We laugh at the funny or quirky things they do, and we talk about how they can turn those into strengths when they go home.
Tiffany: It’s a superpower.
Allison: It is.
Tiffany: Yeah.
Allison: And that’s always something to remember.
Tiffany: Agreed.
Allison: Yeah.
Tiffany: So, how can parents and professionals foster a positive understanding of autism?
Allison: I think just through a lot of psych education. And I think we, as providers and professionals, need to start shifting the negative connotation around ASD, because it is a superpower.
Tiffany: It is. I mean, any of these diagnoses… My mom was diagnosed with ADHD, and we’ve often talked about it being a superpower for her. While she struggled in certain areas, man, could that woman make a friend with anybody? She was smart—while she struggled in a school setting, she was so smart. And people just loved her.
Allison: Yeah.
Tiffany: I mean, there were so many positive, amazing things she could do because of that.
Allison: Yeah. I think always strength-based.
Tiffany: Yeah.
Allison: And then just remember—structure and schedule. These kids need to know what’s coming next. Without structure and a schedule…
Tiffany: What do we call that? Front-loading.
Allison: Front-loading. Yes. Front-loading.
Tiffany: Letting them know like, “Hey, I’m going to turn off the TV in five minutes.” Or, “Hey, tomorrow you’re going to have a test you need to prepare for—so now’s the time to study.” Helping them write down a list, use a planner… because that’s not going to come naturally to them. That executive functioning—it’s not going to be a normal thing for them.
Allison: And I think, too—I love the timer piece. I use timers a lot with our Spectrum girls. Like, if I have a girl sleeping in and she won’t get out of bed, I’ll go up to her and say, “Hey, I know you’re having a hard time this morning. I’m going to give you five minutes. I’m going to set a timer. You can sleep five more minutes, and then I want you to get up.” That’s getting out of the power struggle. That’s allowing them a little more time.
Tiffany: Yeah.
Allison: And I’ll tell them too, “I want you to start processing getting up and getting moving as you’re in this next five minutes.” And nine times out of ten, they get up.
Tiffany: Yeah.
Tiffany: So that leads me to this question: What strategies like this help autistic individuals thrive in school, work, and relationships?
Allison: Yeah. I think the school piece can be tricky, right? Because if they’re going back to traditional school, they’re still going to have to navigate those social dynamics and interpersonal relationships. And they want connections so badly. So helping them understand healthy connection, and helping them get engaged in healthy activities.
Like the girl I was talking about earlier—the runner, right? That was her special interest. She’s probably going to be in the Olympics someday.
Tiffany: Yeah, I believe it.
Allison: And helping them turn that rigidity toward something positive.
Tiffany: Yeah. It’s like taking the kid who has anger issues and putting them in a football kind of thing.
Allison: When young people discover something they're good at and start building mastery, it builds their self-esteem. Add a healthy community where they connect with others and become part of a team, and that's powerful.
Tiffany: It's similar to sexuality. We need to help them understand that while we're all sexual beings, certain behaviors can lead to trauma and harm. It's about showing them healthier ways to meet their needs, which aren't always sexual.
Allison: Exactly, especially for females who are looking for connection. When I talk to girls who are sexually acting out, it's rarely about the act itself.
Tiffany: That's what you're saying.
Allison: Right. When I ask them about it, they're like, "Eh, it was okay." There's no emotion behind it. It's more about feeling connected, valued, and wanted.
Tiffany: What are some unique strengths and talents that autistic females often bring to the table?
Allison: They're incredibly smart. Think about how hard it is to mask in different situations—you have to be intelligent to pick up on social cues with a neurodivergent brain.
Tiffany: While reading the room...
Allison: Yes, and managing your anxiety at the same time.
Tiffany: Exactly.
Allison: They're also very funny and remarkably empathetic.
Tiffany: That's interesting because most people assume they can't be empathetic.
Allison: That's a myth. I've worked with girls who feel genuinely sad when their friends are down. They experience deep empathy.
Tiffany: It's difficult to generalize about their strengths.
Allison: As they say, when you've met one person on the spectrum...
Tiffany: You've met one person.
Allison: Exactly. We need to identify individual strengths—art, writing, or special hobbies they've developed to self-soothe and reset. Those are great foundations to build upon.
Tiffany: Like the runner you mentioned. When neurodivergent youth find the right direction, their perseverance is unstoppable.
Allison: Yes, and they need to find their tribe—their people. Who do they enjoy spending time with? What communities resonate with them?
Tiffany: Absolutely.
Allison: Because ultimately, it's all about connection.
I can't stress this enough to parents—any behavior you see, whether it's social media use, acting out, or anything that raises concern, it's all rooted in their desire for connection. They just want to feel like they fit in and are accepted by their peers. When you shift your perspective from “They're just attention-seeking” to “They’re trying to connect,” it changes everything.
Tiffany: And honestly, there's nothing wrong with wanting attention. We all need it.
Allison: Exactly.
Tiffany: We’re wired for connection. Part of therapy is helping them learn how to meet that need in healthy, appropriate ways—so they can live more fulfilled, productive, authentic, and emotionally connected lives.
Allison: Yes. And something to keep in mind—these kids read you well. Because they’re masking so much, they’re constantly scanning to see how safe the environment is. So, as a parent, if you come in angry, they will pick up on that immediately and think, Oh no, what’s going on?
Tiffany: That’s interesting, because a lot of people assume that kids on the spectrum can’t read social cues well. Can you explain that a bit more?
Allison: I think people mean they struggle with reading facial expressions or tone. And that’s true to some extent. They can misinterpret emotions. But that doesn’t mean they aren’t picking up on something. They’re very aware—sometimes overly so—and they internalize those reactions.
Tiffany: So, they might misread it, but they are reading it.
Allison: Exactly. I had a student once—I was walking down the hall, just in my world, probably on the phone, and I had this serious or maybe even upset look on my face. She said, “Hi, Allison,” and I didn’t respond. For the rest of the day, she was so worried about me. She kept asking staff, “Is Allison okay? Can Allison come talk to me?”
Tiffany: Wow.
Allison: It just goes to show how sensitive they can be to emotional cues. So, we need to be mindful of those little moments—and always look for opportunities to reinforce strengths and progress. Even small wins, like brushing their teeth, deserve celebration. “Hey, you brushed your teeth today—that’s a win!”
Resources for Families and Individuals
Allison: And just remember—progress isn’t always a straight line. Sometimes it’s one step forward, two steps back… then three steps forward, one step back. It’s all part of the process. You just have to be patient and mindful along the way.
Tiffany: What resources are available for individuals and families who are newly diagnosed?
Allison: The first thing that comes to mind is an IEP—an Individualized Education Plan—through the school system. With a diagnosis, most school districts should be able to provide that kind of support for these girls.
Tiffany: Just to clarify for our listeners, an IEP is a formal plan to support students in the school setting with specialized goals and accommodations.
Allison: Yes, and in some cases, there are also specialized schools that offer smaller class sizes, fewer distractions, and the flexibility to take breaks when needed. They often provide more one-on-one attention and allow for self-soothing strategies in the classroom.
Tiffany: Sensory-based supports, too.
Allison: Exactly—things like fidget tools, sensory corners…
Tiffany: Some schools even have sensory rooms or sensory deprivation spaces. Am I saying that right?
Allison: Yeah, that’s right.
Tiffany: I just saw that Salt Lake Airport opened a sensory room. Did you hear about that?
Allison: No, I hadn’t! That’s amazing.
Tiffany: I know, it looks so cool.
Allison: That’s fantastic. And honestly, some of these girls have never really leaned into sensory tools because they’ve felt like it made them stand out too much. Like, “My friends don’t do this. It’s weird.”
Tiffany: Right—like, “I’m 13 and still carry a stuffed animal for comfort, but none of my friends do.”
Allison: Exactly. But that stuffed animal helps them feel safe—it’s a support tool.
Tiffany: And now things like weighted vests are becoming trendy! You don’t even have to be on the spectrum—people are using them for grounding and regulation.
Allison: Oh, that’s so good to hear.
Tiffany: Yeah, it’s becoming more mainstream, which I think helps normalize these supports.
Allison: And day treatments are great—especially for a kid who's been struggling in school and at home. I love day treatments. They require four clinical hours a day and usually include two hours of school. But honestly, it’s the structure and schedule that make the biggest difference. If you have a kid on the spectrum, plan out their full week, every hour. Give them plenty of breaks and free time. Post the schedule on their wall so they know what’s coming next and what’s expected of them. Front-load everything.
And then, find a clinician who specializes in autism.
Tiffany: Yeah. And I’m asking this for our listeners—is there a particular training or license they should look for?
Allison: I don't think there is.
Tiffany: Yeah, I mean, there isn't, right?
Allison: There’s not, yeah.
Tiffany: So what should they be looking for in a therapist?
Allison: I think it’s about connection. You need to look for someone who specializes in autism and someone you think your child will connect with.
Tiffany: And someone who has experience with it.
Allison: Yes, exactly. Because if your child goes to a therapist and feels like the therapist doesn’t like them, they’re not going to open up. That connection is so important. Once they trust you, you can challenge them. That’s what I love about these girls—once they know you’re reliable, that you’ll show up for them every day, you can say things like, “Hey, you’re sleeping in. I’ll give you five more minutes, but then we’ve got to start our day.” And they’ll respond. It’s all about the relationship and connection.
Tiffany: Yeah.
Allison: So when it comes to finding a therapist, I don’t care if they’ve been practicing for 30 years and have all the credentials—if they can’t connect with your child, it’s not going to work.
Tiffany: That’s true for any therapy. Research has shown that the relationship is key to actual change. It doesn’t matter what type of license a therapist has—what matters most is the connection they build.
Allison: Yeah.
Tiffany: And I also loved it when you mentioned earlier that there are more specialized schools now. Depending on your state, charter schools might offer different resources. They often group neurodivergent kids, which means they’re with peers who have similar traits, struggles, and strengths.
And they’ll be more empathetic and understanding. Instead of being made fun of or isolated, they’ll feel seen and supported.
Allison: Yep. And that can be hard with girls because they want to be with the cool kids.
Tiffany: That's true. Absolutely. They do.
Allison: And they don't want to be seen as different. They don’t want to be in special ed.
Tiffany: That’s true. It can be a challenge because, in some ways, they do want to be like the popular kids.
Allison: Exactly.
Tiffany: Another option, though, is support groups. Not just for your kids, but also for parents. Now, we don’t necessarily know what’s available in the specific communities our listeners live in, but there are social media platforms where you can find these groups and connect with others. You can also reach out to a local therapist or social worker—they often know where to find help and support in your area.
Allison: Yeah.
Tiffany: Just so families realize they’re not alone.
Allison: They’re not alone.
Tiffany: Yeah.
Allison: You are not alone. Even if you feel that way, you’re not. There are people out there who want to support you. Parent support groups, in particular, can be incredibly powerful.
Tiffany: Yeah.
Allison: You’re surrounded by people who are going through the same things you are. If you can find a parent support group, it can make a huge difference.
The Importance of Community and Support
Tiffany: Yeah. I think that’s the message I want to end on for our parents today—and not just parents, but anyone listening. You are not alone. There is hope. And if you're struggling, whether it’s with your daughter or someone else you care about who may have been misdiagnosed or is on the spectrum, take a moment to pause. First, take care of yourself. Get the support you need. Then you’ll be in a better place to help them get the support they need, too.
Allison: It’s like the story on the airplane. If the oxygen masks come down because there’s a crisis, you have to put your mask on first before you can help anyone else.
Tiffany: Absolutely.
Allison: So, put your mask on.
Tiffany: Yep.
Allison: And then we’ll help these girls feel safe enough to take their masks off.
Tiffany: Yeah, exactly. Exactly.
Is there anything else you'd love to leave with our listeners?
Embracing the Journey Ahead
Allison: No, I just think it’s helpful to reframe this as something new and exciting—that now you finally have some answers and a path forward. Yes, there’s grief that comes with a late diagnosis, like you mentioned earlier, but at the same time, embrace the new. This isn’t going anywhere. The sooner you accept it and lean into it, the happier you’ll be—and the happier your child will be, too.
Tiffany: Yeah. You’ve got to find the beauty in that place of Holland—the tulips, the culture, the food, all of it.
Allison: Yeah.
Tiffany: It may not be what you expected, but there’s still so much beauty there.
Allison: Oh, so much beauty.
Tiffany: Maybe even more than you imagined.
Allison: Yeah.
Tiffany: Anyway, listeners, thank you so much for joining us.
In our next episode, we’ll be talking about what to do if you’ve tried all the outpatient options, found support groups, maybe discovered a misdiagnosis, and yet your child is still struggling in therapy. If any of this sounds familiar and you’re feeling stuck, we’re going to walk you through what the next step might be.
We’ll cover residential treatment, how to get a comprehensive assessment, and how to know when being at home just isn’t working anymore. So stay tuned.
Thank you again, Allison—we’ll talk more soon.
Allison: Thank you.