Recognizing the Warning Signs and Symptoms of Suicidal Ideation in Teens
In this episode, we take a candid look at a difficult but crucial topic—suicidal ideation in teenagers. We explore the latest statistics, vulnerable groups, and risk factors that put teens at higher risk, and guide the warning signs parents should be aware of. Learn how to tell the difference between normal teenage behavior and signs of something more serious, as well as practical tips for starting a conversation that can make a difference. Join us for this important discussion aimed at helping families navigate this challenging issue.
When your teen is struggling with suicidal ideation, it can be scary and difficult to know how to support them best and keep them safe. With the number of suicidal teens on the rise, parents must recognize the signs of suicidal thoughts and understand when to seek professional help. You don't have to face this challenging time alone. Programs like OASIS Ascent offer effective treatment for teens dealing with suicidal ideation. This episode's conversation is designed to equip you with the knowledge and support to navigate these difficult moments and feel more prepared to take the right steps forward.
In this episode, therapist Tiffany Herlin, LCSW, along with Clinical Directors and therapists Allison Jenkins, LCSW, and Reggie Wilson, LCSW, from OASIS Ascent, will discuss:
- Recognizing the Signs of Struggle: Learn to identify early warning signs of anxiety, depression, or other emotional challenges in your teen.
- When to Seek Help: Understand when it's time to consider professional help or treatment programs to support your child’s mental health.
- Supporting Your Teen Through Crisis: Discover actionable steps for parents to provide emotional and practical support when their teen is in crisis.
- The Role of Family in Healing: Explore how family involvement can be crucial in helping teens overcome emotional struggles and build resilience.
- What to Expect in Treatment: Gain insights into what happens in a therapeutic setting, including how programs like OASIS Ascent provide structure and care.
If you are a parent of a teen who is experiencing a mental health crisis, we are here to help. OASIS Ascent provides a safe, structured, and therapeutic environment where teens can stabilize and begin their journey toward healing. With a team of experienced therapists and clinical staff, we offer individualized care designed to address the unique needs of each teen. To learn more about how you can help your child, call us at 855-701-2721.
Introduction
Tiffany: Welcome to our podcast. We're going to be talking about a tough subject, but a very important one. Teenagers today are facing unprecedented levels of stress and mental health challenges. One of the most concerning issues is the rise in suicide ideation among the age groups. Parents and caregivers must be able to recognize the signs of suicide ideation in teens and know how to respond effectively.
In this podcast, we will delve into the precursors of suicide ideation in teenagers, providing valuable information and resources for parents who may be concerned about their child's mental health. Please remember that this podcast is not a replacement for therapy. Please always seek a mental health professional for your situation.
My name is Tiffany Herlin, a licensed clinical social worker, and today I'll be interviewing Allison Jenkins, an LCSW, and Reggie Wilson, who is also an LCSW from OASIS Ascent. This short-term residential program provides stabilization and a comprehensive evaluation for teenagers 12 to 17 who may qualify for insurance coverage.
You guys, I'm so excited to have you.
Allison: Thank you. Yeah, we're excited as well.
Tiffany: We've talked before this and I think you guys have a wealth of knowledge to share with our listeners. So let's start with a little bit about yourself and what your role is at OASIS Ascent.
Allison: Thanks, Tiffany.
My name's Allison. I am the clinical director at OASIS Ascent. We opened our doors on September 29th, 2021. So we're three years strong and have helped a lot of kids and families. Before working as a clinical director I've done all levels of care. I worked in outpatient therapy, working with adolescents and younger children as well.
I worked at Huntsman Mental Health Institute, previously known as UNI, the University of Utah Neuropsychiatric Institute. I worked there for four years in crisis and stabilization. I've also worked in an emergency room at a Primary Children's Hospital for five years where I've seen completed suicides and I've also seen kids that come in with suicidal ideation and plans. Helping them with safety plans and helping them and their families understand in the ER what the best direction of going to an inpatient psych unit is appropriate.
I worked in residential therapy for four years at youth care where I learned a ton and then came to OASIS.
Tiffany: You have quite a breadth of experience so again, excited to hear your thoughts on this topic.
Allison: Thank you.
Tiffany: It sounds like you've been from like the beginning of the crisis to the end, and I mean you've seen all aspects of it.
Allison: Every level of care I've worked in.
Tiffany: Thank you. Reggie, go ahead.
Reggie: Thank you for having both of us. So as you said, my name is Reggie Wilson and I am a licensed clinical social worker. Like Allison, I have a vast variety and array of experience. I've worked at different levels of care in the mental health system, including residential, outpatient, inpatient, and day treatments.
I've been in the business for over two decades. I have experience in seeing kids who are experiencing all sorts of suicidal ideation. I have seen completed suicides, unfortunately, but I enjoy talking about this topic because it needs to be talked about. I think too many of us are afraid to talk about it because we're afraid of what the outcome might be.
I think prevention is the best approach. I am the clinical director at OASIS Ascent here in Provo.
Tiffany: You guys have two different campuses. Let's clarify that for our listeners.
Reggie: Allison has been at the Millcreek office for like she said, about three years working with the females and I've been at OASIS in Provo working with the males age groups 12 to 17. We see a variety of different issues with our students and I'm in charge of all the clinical operations there.
I make sure that they are therapeutically sound and I manage four very competent therapists and I enjoy it.
Recognizing Signs of Suicide Ideation
Tiffany: So in this episode, we're going to be talking about recognizing the signs and the symptoms of suicide ideation in teens. So to help our parents know the difference between "Is my teen being serious about this or are they just having an off day?"
You and I had a conversation off-air where we talked about how this is a hard topic.
You mentioned the fact that you enjoy talking about this, which may sound strange but that being said, it needs to be talked about.
Reggie: Absolutely. I think that it does need to be talked about because it's so looked down upon as a society and it's a taboo thing.
I think what we have to understand is that there is a healthy way to talk about this and there's a healthy way of normalizing this because there are people sometimes that think that this for some reason is a selfish thing. We don't think about the ramifications of it.
Is someone suicidal or are they attention-seeking? This question can be hard for people to answer and I hope that this segment helps us normalize the fact that some people do feel like this. We want to validate those feelings and help them have a safe place to talk about it.
If we don't do that, then what we do is encourage them to internalize it, and that's when we see bigger problems.
Allison: It's a scary topic, right? As a parent, if your child comes to you and says they're suicidal or hints at it or you hear about it from a teacher or one of their friends, it's a really scary topic.
I hope this is informative to help parents understand that like Reggie said, there is a healthy way to talk about it. In the completed suicides that I saw at Primary Children's, the saddest part was that a lot of the parents were like, “We had no idea he/she was struggling. They were just living their lives, and then all of a sudden, this tragedy happens.” If this podcast is helpful to have parents start understanding and recognizing some signs and when to get help and not to walk on eggshells around the topic, it could save lives.
Tiffany: Well, it's like shame is spread in secrecy, right? This is considered to be a very shameful topic especially depending on your beliefs around it. Sometimes even religious beliefs around it or morals. It's just so complicated and there is a lot of gray area. When we don’t talk about it, it gets bigger and scarier.
Sometimes when you name the scary monster in the room, it's not as scary. I think about my daughter who doesn't want to go to bed at night because she's worried about monsters, but when I go in her room at night and I open the closets and make a joke and say, "Can we put the monster in like rollerblades going down the hill, acting crazy?" She starts laughing about it.
It's like, "Oh, okay. It's not that scary." When you address it head-on and talk about it, not saying it goes away instantly. I wish it was that simple as with, the topic of suicide.
Reggie: Well you shrink the monster. So if you think about anxiety, for example, the more you talk about it, the more you get out of those uncomfortable places where anxiety isn't as tough.
It doesn't have the big scary teeth. Suicide is the same thing. When we talk about it, that's when we normalize it, and it makes it okay to talk about. For the individual, it helps them to look at other ways to manage that and it's not such a big scary monster.
Tiffany: They realize that they're not alone
Allison: Exactly, they’re not alone. They can connect with others who have the same issues and get the support they need if we normalize it, and if the parents start normalizing it as well.
The Impact of Isolation on Mental Health
Tiffany: One of the protective factors we'll discuss later is the importance of connection. It's a crucial element because when you're stuck in your head and feel isolated, it can be hard to cope. For example, think of Harry Potter—are you all familiar with the series?
Reggie: Yeah, I read that to my kids all the time.
Tiffany: For all the Harry Potter fans out there, remember how in the sixth book you just get so frustrated with Harry? I know I’m going on a bit of a tangent, but there's a point, I promise. Harry gets so caught up in his thoughts and feels like he's all alone, battling his inner demons. In the fifth and sixth books, he's facing these terrifying things in his mind, but he won't talk to Dumbledore about it. It’s the same with us—when we stay stuck in our heads, the problems feel bigger and more unmanageable. We become disconnected and isolated, and that's when things start to get scary.
Allison: Yeah.
Tiffany: When we reach out and connect, and get the help we need, some parents worry, “If I talk to my kids about this, I’ll make it worse, or they’ll start thinking about it more.” But actually, it’s the opposite. I know it seems counterintuitive, but talking about it can reduce those fears.
Reggie: Exactly. When parents approach that subject, they might think, “If I bring it up, it’ll get stuck in their head, and now it’s something they’ll always fall back on.” So when we talk to parents, we need to normalize that fear. We can ask, “What are some of the reasons you're hesitant to bring this up?” and validate those feelings. Then we can explain, “Here’s why talking about it is important.”
It helps kids feel safe and gives them a platform to open up, knowing they won’t be punished or shamed. It’s about showing them they can talk to their parents without fear of judgment. That’s a key step in helping parents understand—validate their fears first, then explain why those conversations are crucial.
Allison: Yeah, Tiffany, I loved what you said off-air yesterday—that suicide is a behavior. When I’m working with kids, I always focus on understanding the function behind that behavior. What emotions are driving it? What’s going on in their lives that’s building up?
Once we understand the function of suicidal behaviors, we can validate the emotions and struggles behind them. We can’t validate the desire to end their life—that’s not valid—but we can validate their feelings and the challenges they’re facing. By addressing those underlying emotions, we hope the suicidal thoughts will begin to decrease.
Complexity of Suicidal Thoughts
Tiffany: I love this, and you're touching on something we’ll get into a bit later. Suicide isn't as simple as being either suicidal or not—there’s so much complexity leading up to it, and it’s different for everyone.
But let’s back up for a minute. I want to revisit something Reggie was saying earlier. While preparing for this topic with my team, I realized how common this is. It's touched so many lives, including mine—I’ve had a family member who attempted multiple times and eventually succeeded. Sadly, it’s not uncommon, and I want to share a few facts and research I've found to highlight that.
Reggie: Sure.
Tiffany: Before we jump into your topic, I want to share a few key points from my research that I found eye-opening. Suicide is one of the leading causes of death among adolescents. So, parents, if you’re worried that talking about it will put the idea in your teen’s head, the truth is—it’s likely already there. Not for every teenager, but it's a conversation happening among their peers, on social media, and even in text messages. They've either encountered it through others or had their thoughts about it.
Unfortunately, that’s the reality we're facing. Mental health challenges are major risk factors, like depression, anxiety, and substance abuse. Even family changes, like divorce or instability in the home, can contribute. One statistic I found especially interesting: about one in five high school students—18.8%—reported seriously considering attempting suicide in 2019. I haven't found the data for 2020 yet, but I’m really curious to see what it reveals when it’s available. In 2019, about one in six high school students made a suicide plan, and 8.9% reported attempting suicide at least once in the past year. That’s an alarmingly high number.
Allison: That is high. I'm not surprised.
Reggie: I'm not surprised either. That's why it's so important for us to have a conversation about this, right?
Allison: Not dance around the topic.
Reggie: Right, because those statistics don't lie. And I agree with you. I would like to see the numbers for the post-pandemic.
Tiffany: One thing I did find is that suicide ideation, attempts, and other mental health concerns during the COVID-19 pandemic are still significant issues. I’m assuming those numbers have probably increased, and there’s so much more we could explore on that.
Allison: Exactly. When COVID hit, mental health needs skyrocketed, and providers just couldn’t keep up with the demand—especially in cities and inpatient hospitals.
That’s why I love the model we have at OASIS Ascent. Many students don’t meet the criteria for an inpatient psych hospital, but they’re still struggling with suicidal thoughts and need help navigating that. OASIS Ascent offers them treatment in a less restrictive, non-hospital setting.
Tiffany: Yeah, because OASIS Ascent handles those crises, but not in the same way as a hospital. A lot of parents wonder, “What do I do if my child is having suicidal thoughts but hasn’t made an attempt?” That’s the tricky in-between. They may not need to go to the hospital yet, but they aren’t safe either. OASIS provides that safe, supportive landing place for them.
Allison: Yes. 100%.
Risk Factors Leading to Suicide
Tiffany: Before we dive in further, let’s touch on a couple of key themes. Some vulnerable groups are at a much higher risk for suicide. LGBTQ youth, for example, are about four times more likely to consider suicide. Black students have the highest prevalence of suicide attempts among racial and ethnic groups. Sexual minority youth, particularly those who report having sexual contact with the same or both sexes, also show higher rates of suicidal ideation. While there are more groups at risk, these are the ones we’re seeing at the highest risk and need to be vigilant about.
As for risk factors, I won’t go into too much detail, but the biggest one is disconnection—disconnection from meaningful relationships, family history of suicide, and substance abuse. It’s not as simple as 'you’re either suicidal or not.' There are many contributing factors, such as mood disorders, access to lethal means, a history of multiple adverse childhood experiences, and chronic medical conditions. I found the most interesting factors to be hopelessness and helplessness.
Reggie: I’m not surprised that these groups are some of the most vulnerable. When I look at the bigger picture, two things stand out to me that increase their vulnerability—identity and connection. You mentioned connection earlier, and I think it’s critical. Right now, these age groups are trying to figure out who they are and where they belong. If they don’t have a sense of identity or connection to validate who they are, that’s when those feelings of hopelessness and helplessness can start creeping in. Without someone to talk to who truly understands them, they start thinking, “I’m not important,” or “I have all these weird feelings that no one gets, so I can’t connect with people.” And eventually, the ultimate thought becomes, “I can’t live with this.”
Allison: “I’m better off not being here. I’m better off alone.” And I think another big factor is that adolescents’ brains are still developing, and their impulse control is limited, which is normal at that age. But when you add depression and suicidal thoughts, it makes them incredibly vulnerable.
Substance abuse further compounds this, especially in moments of distress. Their distress tolerance is low, they have limited tools to manage it, and when you combine that with poor impulse control and access to lethal means, it becomes a dangerous trifecta that can lead to an attempt or even completion.
Tiffany: One of the biggest factors we look at is whether the individual has access to means. As therapists, we are required to complete suicide prevention training every two years to stay updated. This is crucial because access to means is a major precursor to suicidal behavior.
Reggie: Exactly. One of the primary questions in evaluations is about access to means. However, unfortunately, our kids are often familiar with these questions and know how to navigate them. It’s crucial for us as evaluators—and even for parents—to be creative in how we ask these questions.
Allison: With tools like the C-SSRS.
Tiffany: Yes, we’ll get to that shortly. But for now, it’s important to help parents understand how to ask these questions effectively, without leading the child to give the answers they think we want to hear.
Allison: A big factor in this is trust. Teens must have trust in their clinicians and also in their parents. They need to feel secure sharing their feelings, knowing how it will be received. If they’re unsure of how their parents will react, they might be more guarded.
Tiffany: So you're saying they have to be connected to their parents?
Allison: Yes, exactly. They need to feel a connection with their parents and feel safe enough to say, “Hey, I’m having these feelings.” At the same time, parents need to be confident in their ability to support their children. Instead of immediately thinking, “We need to rush to the ER,” which isn’t always necessary, parents should focus on how they can offer support in a more measured way.
Reggie: It’s really up to us as parents and adults to normalize open communication with our kids. Kids aren’t just going to come to us on their own; they might do it when they’re very young because they need us to take care of them. But by adolescence, reaching out to adults can feel awkward or frowned upon. If we’ve normalized this process from a young age, it becomes a natural part of their life, and they’re more likely to continue it into their teenage years. Parents need to start this early.
Tiffany: Exactly. It’s like making deposits into a bank account when they’re young. If you build that foundation early, it pays off later. By the time they hit their teenage years, they tend to shut the door and lock it tight.
Allison: Instead, they often turn to their friends. That’s just how it is.
Tiffany: Yes, you might have to enforce some tough boundaries with your teens. They’ll test those boundaries, so it's important to invest in building trust and communication beforehand. This way, they feel safe enough to come to you even when they’re struggling.
Allison: Exactly. This is especially true for parents who know there’s a family history of suicide or a genetic predisposition to depression and anxiety. While not all depression leads to suicidal thoughts, if there's a risk, you need to be proactive. You have to get ahead of potential issues.
Tiffany: And consider who they’re talking to in their peer group as well. For example, I have a teenager and while I don’t read all her texts, I have a system that alerts me to any concerning messages. If something alarming comes up, I’ll be notified and we can discuss it. The great thing is that she often comes to me first with concerns before I even get the alert. It might not always be about suicide, but it’s important to be connected so they feel comfortable talking to you about tough subjects. It’s not a matter of if, but when one of their peers brings up something difficult because life can be challenging.
Reggie: And think about it, Tiffany: if you have a strong, healthy relationship with your daughter, where you’re listening, validating, and giving good feedback, she’ll be better equipped to support her friends. If one of her friends reaches out with a problem, she can use what she’s learned from you to help them and encourage them to seek help if needed. It’s not just about getting your child to come to you, but also about empowering them to support their friends.
Tiffany: I love that idea because peers often have the most influence on each other, sometimes even more than parents do at that stage. And just a reminder for our listeners, in our second episode, we’ll be discussing toolkits for parents. Parents must be emotionally grounded and take care of their well-being. This way, when their teen comes to them with concerns, it doesn’t trigger them or cause them to spiral. Being in a good place emotionally allows you to be more supportive. We’ll delve deeper into how to achieve this in the next episode.
Recognizing Warning Signs of Suicide
Tiffany: Going back, let's dive into what are some of the most common warning signs of suicide ideation in teens that our parents can look for.
Allison: It’s interesting how suicidal ideation manifests differently across ages. With younger kids, around ages five to ten or eleven, they often don’t fully understand what suicide is. They might just express that they don’t want to be here because life feels too tough. They don’t have a concrete plan or intent, but they’re overwhelmed by their circumstances. They might say things like “I just want to go to sleep and not wake up,” reflecting their desire to escape the pressure they’re feeling.
Tiffany: They might be more impulsive.
Allison: Exactly. As kids grow older, their expressions of suicidal ideation can become more complex. For older students, you might see changes in behavior like withdrawing from friends, changes in sleep patterns—either sleeping too much or not enough—self-harming behaviors, and other self-injurious actions. These can be warning signs that they’re struggling with suicidal thoughts.
Tiffany: Social connections play a big role, too.
Allison: Yes, social connections can be both positive and negative. If a student who’s struggling starts connecting with others who are also depressed or self-harming, that can reinforce their feelings and behaviors. I’ve seen situations where a student’s friend group is also struggling, leading to a cycle where they all support each other in their distress, which doesn’t help them improve.
Also, if a student starts dropping out of activities like sports and isolates themselves, that can be another warning sign.
Tiffany: What about changes in school performance?
Allison: Absolutely. When assessing a teenager's well-being, I focus on three key areas: social, family, and school performance. If a teen starts to withdraw socially, has issues with family relationships, or shows a decline in school performance—such as school refusal or a significant drop in grades—these are significant red flags. These areas are interconnected, and a decline in any of them can signal deeper issues. When all three areas are affected, it’s especially concerning.
Tiffany: That makes total sense. Reggie, do you have anything to add?
Reggie: Yes, another important sign to watch for is changes in appetite. This could manifest as either a loss of appetite or overeating. Both extremes can indicate emotional or psychological distress.
Allison: Yeah, it can go both ways.
Reggie: Absolutely. In addition to changes in appetite and social withdrawal, another important sign is if a teen starts giving away prized possessions. This can indicate a sense of hopelessness or a feeling that they won’t need those items anymore. Additionally, a loss of status or prestige, whether at school or within their social circle, can contribute to feelings of despair. If a teenager experiences a fall from grace, such as being bullied or failing academically, it can exacerbate feelings of not belonging and contribute to academic trauma. In our society, there's a strong emphasis on success and perfection, which can make failure feel especially devastating.
Allison: Yes, the pressure to be perfect and the fear of failure can significantly impact a teenager’s mental health.
Reggie: When teens aren't achieving their goals or facing setbacks, it can lead to significant feelings of hopelessness and helplessness. This is when they might start considering giving up, so we must pay close attention to these signs.
Allison: Traumatic events, such as the loss of a parent, a divorce, or the death of a friend, can also have a profound impact on a teen's mental health.
Reggie: Yes, and even breakups, which might seem trivial to adults, can feel devastating to teens.
Tiffany: Exactly. Sometimes parents might dismiss these events, thinking, “It was just a short relationship,” but it's important to remember that for teens, these experiences can feel like the end of the world. We’ve all been there; it’s easy to forget how intense those feelings were when we were that age.
Allison: When teens experience breakups or other emotional distress, it can be tempting to dismiss their feelings with comments like, 'You'll get over it' or 'You'll find someone else.' However, this can be invalidating. Especially for older adolescents, these breakups can feel like the end of the world, and it's crucial to take their emotions seriously.
Tiffany: Exactly. Think of how often these intense feelings are depicted in popular culture—like the classic story of two teens in love who face a tragic end. These situations are real for them, and we can't downplay their significance. Their emotions might seem overwhelming to us, but they are incredibly important to them.
The Importance of Open Communication
Allison: Absolutely. When we acknowledge and validate their feelings, even if the issue seems minor to us, it encourages them to open up and share what's going on. Teens are often very closed off, and this validation helps them feel understood and more willing to communicate.
Tiffany: One clear red flag to watch for is a preoccupation with death. This can be a major indicator of deeper issues.
Allison: One of my favorite questions to ask students is, “What do you think happens when you die?” It can be revealing. For instance, they might say something like, “I don’t know, maybe I'll be with all my friends,” or have some idealized vision of the afterlife. This helps me understand what they're hoping for or escaping from.
Tiffany: It can provide insights into their desires or fears about death.
Allison: Sometimes, they might just express a wish for their pain to end. I've even had cases where a clinician asked a struggling person, “What if your mental health issues come with you to the afterlife?” This question can help explore if they see death as an escape from their current struggles or if they’re grappling with deeper, unresolved issues.
Tiffany: I’m looking forward to exploring more about these kinds of conversations in our evaluations. For instance, asking, “Do you want to die, or do you just want to escape the pain?” can provide crucial clarity.
Reggie: I also like to add questions about the impact of their actions. For example, ask, “Have you thought about how this might affect your best friend, your pet, or even your family?” This can help them consider the broader consequences of their thoughts and actions.
Allison: Sometimes, the desire to end one's life can be tied to wanting to make others aware of their pain, or even seeking revenge on those who have hurt them. It’s important to explore these motivations to understand their full context.
Tiffany: The big question our listeners and I have is how can parents differentiate between normal teenage mood swings, which can seem dramatic, and something more serious, like the example of “I just broke up with my boyfriend who I met two days ago or two weeks ago, and now it feels like the world's ending”?
Reggie: To address that, parents need to trust their understanding of their child. They know their child better than anyone else and can gauge what's normal for them. When it comes to teenage mood swings, it's normal for teens to experience dramatic reactions, especially when it comes to their social lives.
However, concerning signs include significant changes from their usual behavior, such as increased isolation or a lack of interest in activities they once enjoyed. Even introverted teens need some form of connection, so a noticeable decline in their usual engagement with people or activities can be a red flag. If the shift is substantial and persistent, it's worth paying attention to.
Tiffany: What if you have a kid who is an introvert and they would just rather read a book in their room than go outside and play?
Reggie: If that’s their norm and they’ve always been like that, it might not be as concerning. However, it's still important to consider the content they're engaging with. For instance, are they reading material related to death or distressing themes? Similarly, if they're spending a lot of time on platforms like YouTube, what kind of content are they consuming? If their interests and online activities shift towards darker or more troubling subjects, it could be a sign to pay closer attention.
Tiffany: What about their social media presence?
Reggie: Monitoring their social media interactions and the type of content they’re posting or engaging with can also provide insights. If their online activity reflects significant distress or they’re interacting with troubling content, it could be another indicator to address their emotional well-being. For instance, if someone is usually into watching Marvel movies and suddenly starts gravitating towards more disturbing content like Faces of Death or similar material, that's a red flag. It’s important to pay attention to what they’re consuming.
Allison: Shows like 13 Reasons Why. It’s crucial to be aware of what they're exposed to.
Tiffany: Parents need to understand that social media can create echo chambers. If a teen searches for something related to death or suicide, algorithms can feed them more of that content. It’s important to know what your kids are seeing.
Recognizing Signs of Distress in Teens
Reggie: Additionally, if they’re writing or journaling about death, that can be concerning too. Teenagers are naturally dramatic and may go through phases, but if their behavior changes significantly, such as acting out, being unusually angry, or neglecting their usual activities, it’s a sign to be more concerned.
Allison: Also, a noticeable decline in personal hygiene is a major red flag. If they stop taking care of themselves, that’s something to watch for closely.
Tiffany: It's also important to remember that teenage brains are wired to seek out high-risk behaviors. This natural tendency can make it challenging to differentiate between normal risk-taking and something more concerning.
Reggie: It all comes back to understanding your teen. What might seem like typical teenage behavior could be something more serious if their overall level of functioning starts to decline.
Allison: Yes, it's about looking at the bigger picture. If a teen’s level of functioning is consistent across different areas—social, family, and school—then occasional statements like “I don’t want to be here” might just be part of normal teenage distress. However, if there’s a noticeable drop in their functioning, that's when it becomes crucial to investigate further. We'll dive deeper into how to interpret the specific language and terminology teens use to describe their feelings in later episodes. This will help differentiate between typical mood swings and more serious concerns, as well as guide parents on how to support their teens effectively.
Tiffany: There's a concerning trend among teens where they use acronyms like ‘gkys’, which stands for 'go kill yourself,' in their texts. It’s often used flippantly, but it can have serious consequences. Parents, if you see your kids texting this or similar phrases, it’s a red flag. Even if it seems like a joke to them, it can deeply impact someone who is already struggling with suicidal thoughts. I've talked to my kids about how harmful it can be, regardless of how common it seems among their peers. It's important to address and educate them about the serious impact of such language.
Reggie: Yeah.
Tiffany: I love what you said about knowing your teen and being observant of their behavior. For me, it's about evaluating all aspects of their life when they're having an off day. I ask myself questions like: “Are my daughters on their period? Have they eaten? Are they anxious about a big project at school?” I start by addressing basic needs—like making sure they've had a proper meal—before jumping to conclusions. If their mood doesn't improve, then I consider there might be something more going on.
Reggie: It’s about recognizing normal developmental changes versus something more serious. Parents should be attentive to patterns in behavior. If a behavior change is consistent over time and affects different areas of their life, it’s worth investigating further.
For example, not showering for one day isn’t a big deal, but if it’s been a week, that's a red flag. It's all about observing and understanding whether these changes are isolated incidents or part of a larger, concerning pattern.
Allison: When I notice a student at OASIS wearing the same clothes for days or neglecting their hygiene, that’s a significant red flag for me. For instance, if a student who normally dresses up and puts on makeup starts staying in pajamas and not caring about their appearance, it's important to understand why. These small changes can be indicators of deeper issues.
Reggie: It's crucial to investigate these behaviors to understand their underlying causes.
Allison: I've seen cases where parents didn’t realize their child was struggling until it was too late. When you look back, you often find signs that were overlooked—like quitting a sport, losing interest in school, or changes in appearance. It’s about being attentive and involved to catch these early warning signs.
Tiffany: Is it possible for someone to exhibit no warning signs at all? It seems like you’ve touched on this, suggesting that while it might appear that way, it’s often because signs were missed, possibly due to preoccupation with other matters or their mental health. What’s your take on this?
Reggie: That’s a great question. Yes, someone can exhibit no obvious signs. Sometimes individuals are very intentional about hiding their distress, particularly if they’re serious about their plans. They might not want to disrupt their plans or cause concern.
Allison: Some might be adept at masking their feelings or might even assure you that they’re fine when they’re not.
Reggie: On the other hand, some might show no signs because they’re impulsive or having a particularly rough period. It's crucial to understand that while some people may not exhibit noticeable signs, others might deliberately hide their feelings. It's about being vigilant and aware of potential changes and not solely relying on visible signs.
Parents, it's important to understand that even if you are the best parent you can be, your child might still struggle with issues internally or externally. That doesn’t mean you missed something or failed.
Tiffany: Our listeners need to understand that this isn’t a reflection of your parenting abilities. Sometimes, despite our best efforts, individuals may struggle with issues that aren’t always visible or preventable. Just as therapists sometimes encounter cases where even the best interventions don’t succeed, parents can face similar challenges.
Allison: And to add to that, a supervisor once told me that even with the best resources, like top hospitals and expert therapists, outcomes aren’t always guaranteed. Just as with cancer, despite receiving the best care, a child might still face severe outcomes. It’s important to remember that this doesn't diminish the effort or love you put into supporting them.
Tiffany: Yeah. I think it's crucial to address how parents can navigate these conversations with their teens without increasing their distress.
Reggie: Absolutely. One key thing to avoid is saying things like “You'll just get over it.” It's dismissive and doesn't acknowledge the seriousness of their feelings.
Allison: Also, telling them “Why are you depressed? You have everything you need— a house, friends,” can be extremely invalidating. It overlooks the depth of their emotional experience.
Tiffany: Or even saying, “There are children in Africa starving,” which can come across as “Who has it worse than you?” It's important to remember that these comparisons don't help and can further alienate your teen.
Reggie: Instead, focus on validating their feelings. Let them know you are listening and that their emotions are valid, regardless of external circumstances. Approach the conversation with empathy and openness, showing that you're there to support them without judgment.
When having these tough conversations with your teen, it's important to ask direct questions like, “How are you feeling?” and “Do you ever think about not wanting to be here or taking your own life?” These are hard questions to ask, but they are necessary, especially if you sense your child is struggling. It’s also helpful to share your own experiences from when you were their age to normalize their feelings and make them feel understood. Encourage open dialogue by asking, “What might make someone your age feel this way?” This can help them open up about deeper issues they may not have shared before.
Tiffany: We'll explore this topic further in our next episode, so stay tuned, listeners. Remember, the most important thing is to show up for your child. You don’t need to have all the answers.
Allison: Right.
Tiffany: You could even say, “I don’t know what to say other than I love you and I’m here for you.” Sometimes just expressing that you're there for them and validating their feelings is enough.
Reggie: Exactly, just let them know, “I’m here for you.”
Tiffany: "I love you anyways."
Allison: You might also add, “I love you, and I’m committed to being here for you and helping you. What do you need?”
Tiffany: Yeah.
Allison: Ask your child, “What can I do to support you right now?” Sometimes they may not know, and that's okay. You can say, “Let’s figure it out together. Let’s understand what’s causing this distress and address it.” Building a relationship where they feel comfortable sharing is key.
Tiffany: Remember, listeners, there’s no easy answer, and it’s not black and white. We could dive deep into this topic for hours and still not cover everything. It’s important to recognize that many factors contribute to these feelings.
Protective Factors Against Suicidal Thoughts
Tiffany: Let’s wrap up by discussing protective factors. What should parents look for if their child is feeling suicidal or showing concerning signs? The top thing to focus on is connectedness—whether it's individual, family, or community. Effective mental health care and maintaining contact with the primary support system are also crucial.
Allison: It's crucial to restrict access to lethal means. If you own guns or have medication that could be harmful, ensure it’s securely locked up. Unfortunately, impulsive teenagers can sometimes access things even when they think they're secure. They may know codes or find ways around locks.
Tiffany: Take extra precautions to safeguard these items. Additionally, having supportive relationships with healthcare providers is vital. Ensure your child has coping and problem-solving skills. Cultural and religious beliefs about mental health can also play a significant role in providing protection and support.
Building a Toolbox for Suicidal Moments
Allison: And don't forget about animals. They can be a significant source of comfort. When a student of mine is feeling suicidal, I often ask them, “What would your dog do without you?” It's a way to remind them of their life-worth-living goals. For instance, I had a student with chronic suicidal thoughts who dreamed of attending the University of San Diego. We would explore the university's website and take virtual tours to remind her that these feelings are temporary and that we need to find ways to make them pass. Knowing your child's dreams and aspirations is crucial, and reinforcing them can help them stay focused on their goals. Building a toolbox of strategies to cope during these moments is essential. They need to know they can experience these thoughts but choose not to act on them.
Tiffany: And it's important to remind them that they are not their thoughts. Just because they think or feel something doesn’t make it a fact. These feelings can be temporary and changeable.
Reggie: Yes, thoughts and feelings come and go. It's about learning to manage them.
Tiffany: Thank you both so much for joining us today. In our next episode, we'll delve into life-saving toolkits for parents, providing practical tools and resources for these situations. Stay tuned, and thanks again, Allison and Reggie.
Allison: Thank you for having us.